Having held numerous jobs over the past 12 years across multiple fields, I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of learning about leadership through the mistakes of inept leaders and the diplomacy and efficacy of truly talented leaders. It’s true what they say – you don’t need a leadership position in order to be a leader. However, what this saying doesn’t account for is that even if you find a great leader in a colleague, the buck stops with your boss and if they’re the worst, your work life can feel really crummy.

If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that I’ve commonly worked 1-3 jobs at a time in all different formats; in-person, part time, full time, full remote, part remote, contracted, W2, commission based, salaried, nonprofit, and for profit. Ultimately, I chose to start my own business to address issues that I identified in the way that for profit and nonprofit orgs engage with communities (or don’t) and wanted the opportunity to create change by consulting with businesses to show them how they can create community and do better business with heart. However, I would be lying if I neglected to address that poor leadership also played a role in accelerating my dream to start my own business. Once I experienced excellent leadership, it felt unnecessary to tolerate anything less. If I’m going to spend 40 hours a week doing something, I don’t want to be treated poorly or disrespected while doing it, and neither should you. So, if you can’t up and quit your job and you have to wait out that bad boss, I hope that this helps you to make chicken salad out of chicken sh*t because, I guarantee you, wherever you are going in your career is not worth having to suffer through any workplace drama, overinflated ego, or micromanaging.

The Inept

Oftentimes, you run into an inept leader when they were promoted up into a role that they weren’t qualified for. If you work in nonprofits, then you’ve seen this play out over and over. Inept leaders are clumsy and lack knowledge about the subject area they’re working in, how to be a leader, or both. You’ve likely been in a room and heard them make false statements or lack answers or explanations for every-day business issues and felt wildly uncomfortable. Don’t worry, you aren’t alone! Sometimes, you know they’re inept because you stumble upon things they’ve done that are objectively incorrect but they don’t know any better. Psychologist Robert Hogan has actually claimed that anywhere from 60-75% of all leaders are incompetent or poor leaders. I’m not sure how accurate I feel this is, but it definitely is a comfort to know that you aren’t the only one experiencing this.

Solution

If you need to stick it out working under an inept leader, you will want to learn how to manage up. A good mantra to live by is the one about leading a horse to water, except not only will you need to lead the horse to water, you will also have to help them come to their own realization that they should also drink it. Gently leading from the background will not only fine-tune your own leadership skills, but it will also ensure that you can maintain high caliber work and avoid being associated with any blunders that your boss would otherwise be making without your subtle nudges in the right direction. The hardest part of this dynamic is that your job becomes double the work where you are managing your own growth and the betterment of your boss.

The Insecure

I would bet that everyone has worked with an insecure boss who micro-manages your every move all the while making comments like, “I definitely don’t want to micromanage you, I just want to make sure I know what you’re working on,” while making you show up to weekly meetings, fill out a daily work log, and give semi-regular updates by phone whenever they’re feeling anxious. I find that anyone who proactively states that they are not a micro-manager is 1000% of the time absolutely just that. Doth protest too much! The last time I heard this, I audibly laughed because it confirmed what I already knew and the irony is just too much for me. The insecure boss sees your success as their failure and, in lieu of leveling up their own business acumen, will actively fixate on what you are doing, what you aren’t doing, and all the details in between. They tend to be keyboard worriers who communicate in a passive aggressive fashion digitally but in-person or by phone crumble when they don’t have the safety blanket of being behind a keyboard. Beware, these are (in my opinion) the most dangerous type of bad boss because of the toll it can take on you emotionally and mentally.

Solution

QUIT! Just quit! Personally, this is a dynamic that gives me so much anxiety and stress – there is no amount of money that would compel me to tolerate that type of manipulation. But, sometimes you have to make it work. In that spirit, make allies. Even if your boss is gossiping about you behind your back (this actually happened to me and my colleagues told me about it because he/she was saying the most childish things that it shocked everyone) your reputation will speak for itself if you do your best work and be an excellent colleague. Don’t do your job too well and don’t look for advancement opportunities – this is horrible career advice in general but if you’re working with an insecure boss, they are threatened and triggered by your success and skill so hiding it under a bushel will help you slip under the radar for longer. Just see the experience as a paid vacation by exerting 25% of your effort and still cashing that check until you can make your escape. Don’t sink to their level – if they continue to send manipulative emails, call them. It’s not ideal, but these types of personalities usually wilt if they have to engage in person or on the phone so don’t waste your time continuing an email thread where they can continue to verbally abuse you. If you’re comfortable, put all of your cards on your table and tell them the truth, “If you are going to continue to communicate with me this way and not engage with me as a team member, do you want to fire me? I wouldn’t want to continue to work somewhere that doesn’t want me or appreciate what I am trying to bring to the table.”

The Indecisive

This is such a difficult “leader” to work under and I am 100% convinced that this is the product of all those group projects we had to do. In every group there was always one kid stepping up to do the entire project, one kid sitting back and agreeing with everyone and everything as a way to avoid conflict or thinking, and then the rest of the group. If everyone else makes the decisions, then you can’t truly ever personally be at fault – after all, it was someone else’s idea! This boss doesn’t want to make decisions, for whatever reason, and generally lacks an awareness that this indecisive personality is harmful to their colleagues. Like the girlfriend that says they’ll eat anywhere for dinner, they will publicly say that they want their teams to make the decisions needed and feel empowered, but when the rubber meets the road they really don’t want to make the final call and they won’t accept it when you do either.

Solution

If you’re willing to put in extra work, you can work around this type of boss. One key that I have found helpful is always speak in a lower and even tone, this is scientifically proven to command more respect and makes it impossible for someone to accuse you of being emotional when you are pushing back. Be clear and concise in your communication with your boss and get everything in writing: confirmations for things in emails, meeting minutes (even if it’s just the two of you), and written follow-up emails to confirm phone conversations. Provide clear deadlines for when you need decisions done to continue your job, and always articulate the reason why the decision you need them to make is key to the benefit of the business. You have to be comfortable letting projects fall apart – don’t compensate for their indecisive nature. The more things that fall through, the more they will be confronted with the negative impact of their actions. Don’t forget to take mental notes about your interactions. I find that working with this type of boss is a really good learning experience because you can see exactly where their behavior negatively impacts the entire team and then take that knowledge and make sure you don’t make that same error yourself.

The Inexperienced

This is probably the least problematic of all of these bad bosses, so hang in there! There is always a learning curve when someone doesn’t have prior leadership experience and is still growing into their new role. Great leaders aren’t just born that way, they are always evolving and growing and there will be times when you are part of that time in their journey. This leader will be timid in their actions and typically focuses on the day-to-day work actions instead of the visionary aspect of leadership. They won’t be able to advise on efficiency or certain historic business information because they don’t have the background. They might not fully grasp the office politics, and might be steam rolled by stronger personalities that have been with the business for longer which tends to make the workplace operate a little wonky as they learn to work the hierarchy to the advantage of everyone in the business.

Solution

Be a good influence without stepping on their toes. If you can share resources that would be helpful, you should! The ultimate goal is to have them grow into their role so that they can be effective in support of you and your colleagues, so even when it’s painful, you have to resist the urge to take over or “over help.” Be supportive and use positive reinforcement when they make good strides. There is not enough positive reinforcement in our modern workplace, so any time you can be supportive and lend a positive remark, it will make a difference.

The Inattentive

If you’ve ever found yourself yelling at your computer, “AS PER MY PREVIOUS EMAIL,” then you’ve likely come across this type of boss. For some reason, they find it totally normal to tell you things like, “Oh, yeah I didn’t read that I thought I would just give you a call,” or, “I was going to check on that but I thought it would be quicker just to ask you.” They will sooner email or text you for information that they have access to and they won’t take notes or remember anything you’ve said or what they’ve decided or promised. It isn’t unlikely that you will wind up spending time and effort on projects that they then decide to scrap because they forgot why they had wanted you to do it in the first place.

Solution

Write everything down. This is probably a universal rule for all bad bosses. The more you have in writing, the better. Think of it as your insurance policy. Always follow the 3 C’s:

Clarify everything they say and pin them down to exact details when it is task related.

Confirm in writing anything spoken about on the phone or in person so you have it in writing.

Check in on the work you’ve started for a project before completing it to account for the likelihood that they will have already changed their mind or direction.

Start practicing how to navigate conversations where you might be in a position to throw you boss under the bus. It’s bad enough that they are inattentive and making your life difficult, but it will only get worse if it seems like you’ve undermined them. Stand in your truth without casting blame.

A Bad Boss Isn’t Forever

If you spot any of these 5 I’s then you’re likely also thing, “I gotta go!” and I don’t blame you. I’ve been in several positions where I’ve chosen to stick out an irrational situation while trying to maintain a rational perspective and it can be incredibly challenging. But, if you are committed, you can absolutely do it and even learn really valuable insights about yourself if you’re reflective. Every day, we make tiny mathematical decisions on what we can tolerate, for how long, at what rate, and from whom. We all come to different conclusions, but the important thing is that our personal equation adds up for us. Sometimes, we have to rise above really stupid situations in order to win the long con which may require some short term sacrifices and a certain amount of ongoing aggravation. Don’t let anyone tell you what you make sense for you – if it’s part of playing the game to get what you want, then go with God and do what you need to do for you and your future.

At the end of the day, just remember that it is true that your peace is ultimately the most important thing and any situation that threatens your joy, self confidence, or self worth is not worth it.