Let me preface this post by saying that in a perfect world I would have already had this published and up as a resource for everyone. However, That did not happen, this is not a perfect world, and likely by the time that you read this it might be too late to be helpful. Or, maybe it will be helpful because you will be able to relate. Either way, this is a huge part of the journey that Andrew and I have been on together, so I absolutely think it deserves its own post.

Match Day. If you are in any way involved with someone going through medical school, then this is essentially the day of reckoning that is constantly looming over their head from the day that they go through their White Coat Ceremony. Everyone has a very different match experience, and every school has a somewhat different way of handling the celebrations (or not) of the day, so I can only speak to what happens at Drexel, so just keep that in mind! To make this easier to follow, I’m going to break the day down and add my commentary. As always, please feel free to shoot me a message to chat privately or comment with your thoughts. This can be a difficult journey, and I am always here to talk!

**DISCLAIMER**

I will always be writing about my journey following Andrew in layman’s terms because that is what I am. Also, I find it extremely annoying and disgusting when partners of medical professionals use all the lingo and act all holier-than-though because it’s super exclusionary and rude. Gross.

Match Day…What is it?

Match day is the day that your partner in the medical field finds out where they are going to be placed for residency. It typically is a big celebration in the morning (so if you’re reading this it is probably already over) where everyone from the program is corralled into a big auditorium and given an envelope. At the same time, everyone opens their envelope and finds out what hospital they will be working in for the next 3-5 years of their life as a resident (resident can also be read as “human servant” or “lowest man on the totem pole”). After the announcement, everyone takes a gazillion pictures and posts all over Facebook and some people go out to eat with their families and others hit the bars and hit them hard.
In the simplest terms: Match Day is 110% exactly like when the sorting hat picks your what House you will be in at Hogwarts. The institution that your partner matches with is a big deal because the experience will dictate what type of practical experience they get, what “brand” they are associated with, where ya’ll will be living in the world, and so much more! It will also, obviously, affect the level of happiness you both have because the entire process can be difficult and there is a very real chance that the ultimate result will not align perfectly with your life plan.

How to Prepare

• Have a loose plan that allows for a lot of wiggle room. A lot of people have their entire family come, but this also means that if the whole situation goes sideways, you have a whole audience to bear witness. In my opinion, setting up an informal lunch option is a great idea that allows you to leave time open afterwards to grab drinks or just hang out with friends and loved ones. A lot of people had to rush away to make a reservation or decided the day of that they were so excited they didn’t really want to sit down for a fancy meal. Leaving your plan loosely open will prevent you from dealing with this.
• Get the tshirts. I had tshirts made on Vistaprint to celebrate the day, and I’m really glad I did. It was a personal touch that Andrew was SO appreciative of and, honestly, everyone was jealous. People go ALL OUT for this day, so you will definitely want to mark the occasion with something.. particularly if you are gunning for “trophy wife” or “best girlfriend ever” awards. My mom says that I will get my reward in heaven, but I also like that I know I’ve earned my stripes as best wife, so there’s that.
• Forget yourself. This day is not about you at all, which sounds weird because it will totally affect you and change your life as well, but in this moment it has to be all about your partner. While this entire journey is felt on both sides by both people, your partner is the one literally putting in the time, suffering through the sleepless nights, obsessively studying, and constantly being berated for what they don’t know. And the funny part is that residency is all that all over again, so let them take this day and make it all about them because they aren’t going to have this type of feeling of accomplishment or success for a little bit.
• Stay strong. Not everyone is going to have a good Match Day. In fact, Andrew didn’t (more on that later). This has the potential to be one of the hardest days of your life and truly challenge the strength of your relationship. This is a great spot for me to pump you up, and I want you to feel strong and ready and amazing, but quite honestly this is one of the moments in our time together that shaped who we are now because it was so hard and sad and terrible. Know that if all the things go completely wrong, you will be ok as long as you hold on to the love you have for each other and facilitate every ounce of compassion you have in your body. You’ll be fine.

What if my partner doesn’t match? Does that even happen?

Yes. it happens. And if it happens to you, here’s the list you need to immediately remember.

• Calm down and don’t panic. Your partner is feeling this 1000x harder than you, so your role is now counselor, best friend, and quiet but strong presence. I say presence because this might not be a good time for excessive talking or attempts to rationalize a completely irrational outcome.
• Channel your inner Olivia Pope. You are now in charge of solving any and all problems not directly related to this incident because your partner has no bandwidth for any shit. Seriously. Schedule takeout from your favorite spot for dinner, get the booze ready for when they are done the SOAP process, and assemble your favorite notepad and working pens. It is time to help record the calls that they make, keep track of phone numbers, and generally anticipate their every need.
• Don’t add your 2 cents. It isn’t welcome or productive. No one can change what has already happened, so you need to roll with it.
• Plan the life your partner can’t. There will be times in your life when your partner can’t see the amazing future you’re about to have and vice versa. I don’t think anyone sits in a moment of panic and despair and immediately thinks about the great things yet to come. It is your job to paint that picture. Basically, you are now the leprechaun in charge of finding the gold and planting it at the bottom of the rainbow this entire shitstorm of a situation has created.

Our Story.

Andrew didn’t match. It was the hardest day of my life. I got a call at work in the morning and I didn’t believe what I heard. I thought he was joking, he wasn’t. I told my boss that I would leave an hour early, but my boss knew better. “Go now, you need to be there. He’s going to need your help.” I am always thankful to work in the incredible community that I work in, but on this day in particular I was so incredibly fortunate to have that type of support. I got in my car and jet back to Philly as fast as my lil Jetta would allow. I didn’t know what I was going to be walking into when I got to the campus of the med school, but I knew it likely wasn’t going to be great.

This was never supposed to happen. Andrew had great scores, he’s personable, he worked SO HARD for SO LONG and it showed. He had three amazing rotations, some excellent recommendations, and support from so many professors and connections. It didn’t matter what happened or why though, it happened so whatever happened next was going to define our relationship for a while, and I wanted it to be good.

When you don’t match, you go through the SOAP process where you sit in a room with everyone else who didn’t match and you rewrite your personal statement, send out a million more applications to programs that have openings, and eat free food because of course that is your university’s way of helping you cope with the bad news. Newsflash people, free hoagies are not enjoyable when you’re eating them through your tears. Bad example because Andrew literally never cries (not even this day), but you catch my drift.

Lucky for me, I am naturally a glass-half-full person, almost to a fault. In this scenario, that was perfect. We went over almost 48 other programs he would apply to all over the continent and I was ready to go to any of them, even the ones in cold places that I had zero interest in. If you have access to google, you can really find the good in anywhere. Andrew was not enthused, duh, and I helped as much and as little as he allowed. He rewrote some stuff, consulted with his advisor, and we went home to field calls from programs that would be reaching out, hopefully, with offers.

Going home was a double-edge sword. We were alone, he was more comfortable, but I didn’t know what to do with myself that was helpful but not intrusive. This resulted in Andrew roaming the house on the phone with various programs and me hiding on whatever floor he wasn’t on except when I went to give him food or bring a pen or piece of paper. Thank God we had a 3-story house at this point because if we were in the condo, I would’ve been in a closet. The entire afternoon/evening was tense and touchy but by the end of the day Andrew had secured a spot with Penn State at Hershey. The extremely hysterical part of this whole scenario is that they were on Andrew’s list and also closer to the top, so after all of that crazy drama, we were going somewhere that we had interviewed at (I say “we” because I went along for the social and they had the BEST cupcakes and I loved the people I met, so I was all in) and both of us had agreed would be a good fit and choice.

Because this SOAP process happens prior to the Match Day events, some people don’t wind up going, but that didn’t apply to Andrew. We still went out and celebrated and attended the day as if he was matching in the same way as everyone else, and it was a blast. He congratulated his friends, and we all prepped ourselves for a whole new life.

I could write 20 more pages about this entire process and still not cover everything that I want to say, but I will wrap it up here. This entire situation was a true test for me. I don’t think I did it wrong, but I know I didn’t do it right, it’s impossible to. There is no set right or wrong, but there is a way to be helpful, supportive, and find your strength in your relationship if you take the time to foster that. I am so extremely grateful to the friends and family and colleagues that provided support and graciousness when we needed it the most. In these moments, Andrew and I grew together even more than I thought possible, and I will forever be thankful for that.

I hope that everyone has an amazing Match Day today! Regardless of what happens, it is a day to celebrate and you will be glad that you did. Remember that this is a journey that isn’t for the faint of heart, and that you are stronger and smarter than you think! Want to find out how we got from Penn State in Hershey to Bethlehem? You’ll have to stay tuned!! xx