Andrew and I bought a house, moved our boxes in, and he left for three months of away rotations. The cherry on top of the sundae was that, almost immediately upon his return, we were getting married. That’s right. It happened just like that and it was just as crazy as it sounds.
So, what are away rotations and what is a girlfriend, spouse, wife to do while they’re person is away for them? Let’s take a deep dive on this one.
Away rotations are a super critical time for med students. They’re usually about 3-4 weeks long and no, they do not need to be done one right after the other. That’s just how it worked out in our case. They give the med student what can be thought of as a ‘trial run’ working at a hospital that they might want to apply to for residency in a field that they’re interested in. For Andrew, he rotated at UVA in Virginia, Emory in Atlanta, and another hospital closer to home (I actually forget where at this point….). At each away rotation, the med student has a real hospital schedule – no free lunches people! – with real crazy hours, sometimes a pager, and usually they’re kind of on their own to figure out housing and how they’re going to pay to get to wherever they need to be. Typically at the end of their rotation, they get a chance to interview while they’re still there with the program for a residency position. This is simultaneously cool because you’re guaranteed a residency interview, and not cool because it could be your very first away rotation and you could be totally unprepared or still undecided about what you want to do and where you want to be.
There are three big factors of the away rotations that make them particularly difficult to deal with as a partner to a med student:
- the cost
- the distance
- the schedule
If you can get beyond these things, which you can, then you’re golden. It is super helpful to be able to identify them as pain-points ahead of time.
The cost of away rotations can vary from being a program a few hours away where they offer housing to being a flight away with zero guidance on where to stay and, if you’re going to a happening place like Atlanta, you’re basically paying a fortune to volunteer yourself for long hours, late-night pages, and a diet consisting solely of hospital cafeteria food and off-brand coffee. FUN! Of course, depending on where you’re at in your relationship the cost might not literally be a shared one, but as everyone knows stress over money is the worst kind of stress and affects the person dealing with it as well as everyone else in their orbit. The important role you can play in this process is tapping your resources to help find housing, being supportive of the situation because it’s already difficult to leave on a very expensive and grueling experience but 10x harder when your partner isn’t sold on it, and take your cues (don’t decide it’s a great time to beg for a date night or expect an over-the-top birthday gift). You can always make more money, but you can’t always repair a rift created by it, so keep your lines of communication clear and your eyes wide open going into it.
The distance, like I briefly mentioned, really depends, Just because they’re called ‘away rotations’ does not mean they take place far, far away. They could be just 30-40 minutes down the road, they just aren’t at your home institution. Given the fact that each rotation is 3-4 weeks, the distance can be what wears on you the most. 3-4 weeks of texting, distracted phone calls, and alone time is likely not the routine you were previously accustomed to. For me, I went from living together (almost) daily morning coffee time, and TONS of communication to being in a brand new (and unpacked) home by myself with no partner to figure it out with me. It felt rough at first, but it’s like when they talk about mothers lifting cars to save their kids. When your back is against the wall and you have no other options, you’d be surprised what all you’re capable of. You’ll also be extraordinarily proud of yourself which is a nice feeling too. When Andrew was in a different state, there was no reason why I couldn’t visit other than the fact that it made zero sense to travel to see him only to watch him sleep or study because that’s pretty much all he did outside of the hospital. Did he go out to get drinks? Yeah, in Atlanta he did and it was annoying. Of course I want him to be happy and have fun, but it was annoying that we couldn’t be sharing that time together. You try having wedding brain and knowing your fiance is out living it up without you – it doesn’t bring out the best behavior! I do feel strongly that you shouldn’t go to visit your med student while they’re on their away rotation. The whole point of them doing it is to fully immerse themselves in the situation, learn, and see if they like the program. It’s best to let them do that with no distractions, because at the end of the day this is about the rest of their life and their future. Don’t expect daily calls or texts, just understand that it will be over before you know it and that every last brain cell in their head is being stretched to its limit so that they can learn and thrive.
The schedule isn’t really that hard, but compared to their life as a med student it can come as a shock. It might be the first time you really feel the weight of the profession they’re about to get into. When Andrew was at Emory he was on spine service and it felt brutal and freaked me out. It was not a schedule that allowed for a life outside of the hospital, and it really shook me up because of how much more intense it was. The best part about it is that it gives you a taste of what is to come, and you get a feel for what you’re up against. That sounds scary, but don’t look at it that way. Look at it as a way of getting a glimpse of the reality of the situation because I promise you it will be different than what you expected but not nearly as terrifying as what you had worked up in your head. Yeah, it’s not awesome that it’s a rigorous lifestyle, but at the same time I knew exactly what I was getting in to and it wasn’t anything like what I had built up in my mind from watching Grey’s Anatomy and Lifetime movies. If you want to do yourself a favor, use this time to strengthen your friendships, pull your tribe closer, and indulge in your hobbies. The worst thing you can do is find yourself sitting around waiting for someone to come home. It will put you in a bad mindset and you’ll forget that you deserve to pursue your passions, too. Will see your partner less? Maybe, sometimes more than others, but I guarantee the quality of your time together will increase as you adapt to a life when every moment together is truly precious and valued.
There’s really only one thing to avoid when your partner is about to embark on an away rotation, and that’s any kind of behavior (verbal or nonverbal) that isn’t encouraging or supportive. Is it tricky to be on this side of the equation? Yes, hell yes! But it’s even more stressful and potentially anxiety producing for the student who is virtually spending 100% of their time trying to prove themselves just to get an opportunity to maybe have the chance to land in the career they want. I will never be able to put myself completely in Andrew’s shoes or know what was running through his mind, but I could see it in the way that he planned, prepared, and worked. Medical school is a rough path to take and a challenging journey to commit to, but when it’s something you want for yourself you are fully committed and prepared to overcome whatever hurdle you are faced with to achieve it.
Is your partner prepping for away rotations? This is such an exciting time to share with them, so enjoy every moment because some day you’ll be looking back at these days and marveling over how far you’ve come together.
